Sunday, April 14, 2019

Time is a Construct

It’s been six months since I updated this space. That surprises me; if you’d asked me, I would have said it hadn’t been more than two months, three tops.

As I type this, Sade’s “Your Love is King” is piping through the iPhone. Which is a funny coincidence. Though the song came out in 1984, Sade, for me, is tied to a period in the late 90s/early 2000s that was pretty significant, shaping me, for better or worse. And here we are, in 2019 and yet, there are moments when I think “wasn’t that just yesterday?” Vague, I know, but it’s late, I need to be getting ready for bed and I don’t know that I have it in me at 9 on a Sunday night to be unpacking old memories and wondering if the choices I’ve made in the past 20 years have been right ones.

So, let’s see, since October, I went to El Salvador in December for what may be my last trip home for a while, I’ve moved in to a new apartment and I’ve been at the job for two years. Those are the biggies. Being new-ish on the job is part of the reason why the trips to El Salvador have to be on hold for a while. I have to save up the vacation leave for when the adoption is finalized otherwise taking leave to be home with the baby is going to be much shorter than I’d like. Plus, the trip can be expensive and as I’m repeatedly told (as if I didn’t know) babies are expensive. So one is required to be a grown up. Which is probably a good thing to practice given that I’m wanting to be responsible for another human being.

Adoption-wise, the home study was updated back in November so I’m going in to year two. The recent move (to a cheaper apartment) also required a mini-update but beyond that, I’m still in wait mode. When I went to the information session in 2017, they said the process could be anywhere from 12 to 24 months. I decided to believe it would be 24 months to stave off the impatience a bit. So far that’s worked and it’s also given me some time to save up money. If I’m still waiting this time next year though, I don’t know. I’ll be 47. That seems, well, not 27. I have feelings about that too but just like the others mentioned above, much too much to unpack right now.

When you don’t write often, finding an ending that isn’t another promise to write more is hard so for now, this is enough.

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